Internet Grapes

I noticed the sky

Last night I went to bed at 9:30, because I knew I'd be getting up this morning at 5:17 (I can't possibly set my alarm for a time divisible by 5 - that would be WRONG). When the alarm went off, I felt ok - less tired than I'd thought I would be. It was pitch dark out, and everything was quiet. I grabbed some comfy clothes, put my hair in a pony tail, poured myself some water, and went into the living room, where I put on my new The Firm DVD and started to work out.

The video is 40 minutes long, and I can't make it through the whole thing yet, but I'm working on it. On Wednesday and this morning, I made it through about the first 25 minutes before deciding that my returns were diminishing - I was going to be sorry if I pushed myself much harder, and so I stopped. I was beet-red-faced, and even getting through the 25 minutes was a struggle. I can keep up with most of the steps, but not all of them (although I can tell that eventually, the steps will feel natural, after I've done it enough times). Still, I think I paused it three times so that I could get a drink of water without missing anything.

And even while I could feel my face getting hot, and my body was protesting, and a part of me didn't think I could do it - there was another part of me that knew that this was the right thing to do. This was good. I was proud of myself for getting up early and doing this, but more than that - more than the way I felt about the fact that I was exercising - the exercising itself made me happy.

By the time I stopped, it was still dark outside, and there was still no sound from Katie's room. I took a shower. The water felt good. I got out of the shower and started picking out clothes to get dressed. I looked at myself in the mirror, and I wasn't mad at my own bloated face. I was happy to see myself in there.

I had exercised. I had created time for myself. I had given myself more energy. I was proud of myself. And when Katie opened her bedroom door at a few minutes after 6, I got to feel happy to see her, instead of wishing that she'd just go back to sleep. I had enough time to let my hair air dry and then blow dry it (for just a minute). Katie and I ate whole wheat bagels and hard boiled eggs for breakfast. I left for work earlier than usual, and the 15-20 walk to the el train felt good, too, like it took less effort than usual to walk the same distance at the same speed. I noticed the sky (it was metallic gray and glowing).

THIS is what I need to remember, I kept thinking to myself. If I could really remember how good I felt this morning - because I am convinced that my near-euphoric mood was directly caused by my 25 minutes of exercise - then I wouldn't put exercise off for so long. I would be searching DESPERATELY for times when I could squeeze in exercise. Not for the possibility of weight loss. Not even for the healthier heart.

Just because damn. I felt good.

Go, me!

I worked out last Thursday and Friday mornings.  I had planned to go in at least once over the weekend, but it didn't happen. (We were too busy shopping for an ordering our new! red! leather! sofa!)  I got up early and went to the gym yesterday morning, and had planned to go again today, but our car was dead last night, so I couldn't drive in this morning, and I decided against walking there and back before work.  If the car's not going to be driveable by tomorrow morning, I'll go tonight. 

Some thoughts so far:

1) On the days that I've worked out, I've found myself looking forward to the next workout.  In fact, on Friday I thought about going back in the evening for a second workout (I didn't end up doing it on Friday, but on another day in the future, I might!). 

2) If I get up at 5:30, get dressed, and go straight to the gym, I only have about 40 minutes to spend at the gym.  It's enough time to do some cardio, and it's better than nothing, but already I'm thinking about getting up earlier.  The gym doesn't open until 5:30, but if I got up at 5:15 I think I could be there right when it opens.  It shocks me a little that I am already thinking about getting up even earlier. 

3) I did not anticipate this (although in retrospect, I probably should have), but getting up early to work out gives me something that I have had in VERY short supply lately - alone time.  I used to wake up knowing that Katie might already be awake and yelling for me/us, in which case I'd rush through my shower.  If I made it through my brief shower, I'd sometimes go to check my email, and usually before I could actually get the computer on, I'd hear her, so I'd rush through that, too.  Now, I take a leisurely shower and enjoy my fancy bath products that I've bought but almost never use (I shave my legs with special soap from Lush, even).  I feel like I'm taking better care of my whole body, inside and out.  Plus, by the time I get out of the shower, Katie is usually still sleeping.  Instead of thinking, "Dammit, she's already awake!" when I hear her, I think something more like, "Oh, good, she's awake!" 

4) Today, the day that I have not worked out, I am noticeably tireder than I was yesterday.

5) I'm usually groggy for awhile after I've first gotten up, so on a typical non-workout day, I somewhat lethargically make my way through showering and getting dressed.  On days that I've worked out, though, I groggily dress myself and make my way to the gym, where I get a huge burst of energy while I'm working out.  By the time I get home and see Geoff and Katie, I'm actually happy and engaged.  Not only that, but I'm happier and more energetic ALL DAMN DAY. 

6) My skin seems clearer and pinker.  Can this be right?  Am I imagining it?  Could there be a noticeable difference already?

7) I am not going to bed any  earlier.  I thought that I might have to, and I was willing to, but so far I still have as much or more energy at night as I did when I wasn't exercising at all.  (I know that this may change when I am exercising harder or for longer, but this is how it is for now.)

8)  My prime motivation in deciding to work out was to lose weight, and so far (as far as I know) I haven't lost a pound, but already I'm wanting to continue exercising for its own sake.  I really didn't think that would happen, at least not so quickly.

I feel kind of silly waxing eloquent on my new "routine," because - hello! I've worked out an entire three times!  I must be breaking records!  Go, me!  But until last week, I haven't really worked out three times in the last YEAR. 

So hello! I've exercised three times in five days!  Go,  me!