July 23, 2015
In August of 1985 (30 years ago next month!), I sat down in German class at my new high school next to a smiling girl with curly dark hair who made me laugh and became my friend for life. I'm so happy and grateful that this week I got to be there for her wedding day, and to photograph it, besides! I wish her & Pete all the happiness in the world.
July 25, 2015
Ooh, is it a summer morning? Did we just get up? Is our mom just getting out of bed to go to the bathroom?! Then it's time! Time for us girls to crowd into the bathroom with her and start fighting on and on and on! Yay!!!
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If I won the lottery, I would go out for breakfast EVERY WEEK. #dreambig
August 3, 2015
I told Annabel that I was about to turn 83. "You're old," she said. "No offense." The good news is I look pretty amazing for 83!
August 4, 2015
Thank you for all of the kind birthday wishes, Facebook friends! I had biscuits & gravy (made by my dad), a bike ride with Katie, happy birthday sung to me by the family members who are here with me, a solo bike ride with my Bluetooth speakers playing some of my recent favorite songs, a slower bike ride (ending in a walk with bikes) with Geoff and the girls and my dad and my niece & nephew. I got some presents, I read some, I worked on a puzzle, I swam in the lake here, I ate some treats, drank some drinks, opened some presents, and got some hugs and kisses. I heard good wishes from so many other friends & family members who aren't here with me but who thought of me today. I felt healthy and strong and cared for and happy and relaxed, which I think is about all I wanted from today. 45 is not too bad so far. :)
August 8, 2015
A group of white haired ladies just walked by us on their way into Culver's. "I like old people," Annabel said. I laughed. "No, I'm serious," she said to me. "I'm not just saying that because you're old!"
August 10, 2015
Only 9 weeks of summer break this year, but we managed: a week of Franke Park day camp for both girls, overnight church camp for both girls, Starbase camp (a STEAM-based curriculum) for Katie, Choralfest for Katie, a week at Potato Creek for all of us thanks to Dad John Bagley and with Josh & his kids, two music conferences for Geoff, trips to see Laurie and Tracy for me & the girls, multiple trips to the pool just us and with Audra and her family, a quick trip to Chicago for me & Geoff to see Tracy, a quick trip to Kentucky for me for Laurie's wedding, a few movies, a lot of walks, visits and meals with Mom Laurie Lindberg and with Dad & Celia, overnights for the girls at grandparents' houses and with friends, a lot of relaxing and laughing and hard ciders and tortilla chips and rain and sun, and I am just listing this all out like this because it helps me remember. It's been a good, good summer.
August 13, 2015
Kind of sad today. Smoked bacon cheese is not helping, so it is obviously pretty serious.
August 15, 2015
Today at the farmers market we bought the Blackberry Bourbon and the Gooseberry Jam. We also sampled the Peach Moscato, Blueberry Lavender Lemon, and Cherry Amaretto. Choosing which to purchase was an extremely difficult decision! (We also bought homemade bread - cinnamon raisin and sourdough, locally made cheese - swiss and yogurt cheese, fudge - chocolate and caramel chocolate, as well as ice cream for the kids and coffee for the grown ups.)
August 24, 2015
At the beginning of first grade last year, Annabel's reading lagged so far behind that she was assigned special instruction. This year, two weeks into second grade, she's assigned to the "red" group, the highest reading level in her class. She's turned into a real reader, and we are so proud of her!
August 25, 2015
These days, 45 minutes or so after Katie gets home from school, she leaves to spend a few hours with neighborhood friends, and then it's dinner time, and time for homework, and before long it will be time for her to go to bed. But some days I'm lucky and she asks if she can go with me on my evening walk. I say yes.
August 28, 2015
Today I went to light a candle and found a stinkbug corpse in it, so Katie said we should have a funeral, and she started singing "Amazing Grace," so I started harmonizing with her, and then we did it a few more times, because it was fun. And then we decided to record it. (Blame me for any bum notes in there, and there is at least one.)
August 30, 2015
"Mom!" Annabel says.
"What is it?" I say.
"Not you!" Annabel says, rolling her eyes.
Well, of course not. I don't know why I thought such a thing.
—-
Ok, did you brush your teeth? Then go brush your teeth. Please brush your teeth. Brush your teeth now. Do you even have toothpaste on your brush yet? Brush your teeth! Yes, that's nice, but you need to brush your teeth. I don't know. No. Brush your teeth now. It's tooth brushing time No, you are not done brushing your teeth. Ok. Good brushing. Thank you. Good. Ok, now go to bed. I know, now get in bed. Why is this on your bed? You can't just leave that there, somebody will trip on it on the dark. Ok, it's time for bed. You need to get in bed now. It's bedtime. All right, get in bed. Innnnnnn beddddddd. Just one song. Then you have to go to sleep...
September 1, 2015
Right now my little (big) girl is attending an audition for her middle school's fall musical. All by herself. Without me around. Since she is my tiny (big) baby, this seems crazy. But there is nothing I can do now to help her or make it easier for her or calm her nerves. I don't even get to watch or cheer or know the precise moment when she'll be doing her thing! But I'm thinking about her, and hoping I get to hear at least a little bit about her experience when I pick her up from school in a couple of hours.
September 5, 2015
After hours of refusing to let more than 5 or 10 minutes pass without bickering and whining with/at each other, just as I was starting to feel a little broken from being around them, they decided to walk like this (arms around each other) or hand in hand for 45 minutes or so (in a row!) through the beautiful Nichols Arboretum.
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Thank you to everyone who gave us Ann Arbor suggestions. All four of us agree that it's a great city that we should visit again soon! We ate meals at the Slurping Turtle, Angelo's, and Zingerman's, got ice cream at Stucchi's and coffee & hot chocolate & treats at RoosRoast Coffee. We walked around Kerrytown, went to the Hands-on Museum and the Arboretum, and swam in our hotel pool (which was actually in Milan). It was short but good, and now we are all worn out. :)
September 7, 2015
I wasn't really the right age to watch The Wonder Years very often when it aired - it started during my senior year of high school and ended in the year after I graduated from college - but I am (re)watching it now with Katie on Netflix, and a lot of it sure means a lot more to me now than it would have meant to me at 18 or 19, anyway. I get a little weepy sometimes.
From the episode we watched tonight: "When you're a little kid, you're a little bit of everything: Artist, Scientist, Athlete, Scholar. Sometimes it seems like growing up is a process of giving those things up, one by one. I guess we all have one thing we regret giving up; one thing we really miss - that we gave up because we were too lazy, or because we couldn't stick it out, or because we were afraid."
September 9, 2015
A: all flowers are pretty, except the ones that look like butts.
Me: what flowers look like butts?
A: none of them, unless somebody invents one. [pause] Katie might.
(I laughed pretty hard.)
September 13, 2015
The girls bickered a lot today, so when I walked into the bathroom, where they'd been brushing their teeth, only to see Katie rushing out of the room and sniffling, I suspected more fighting. "Was she crying?" I asked Annabel. Annabel said, "she looked at me and said, 'you're getting so big,' and then she started to cry."
Poor Katie is super sentimental sometimes. I have no idea where she gets it.
September 14, 2015
I have a little movie in my head, of my younger daughter second-grader, bounce-running up the sidewalk entrance into her school on a sunny blue-skied fall day (hair and bookbag bouncing in syncopation with her legs), then turning around to look for me, to see if I'm still there, then smiling, waving, lifting up her arms and forming a heart shape with her hands pressed together, then pointing at me with a big smile, then running off up the walk, happy and excited to show everyone her new haircut and missing front tooth.
She's getting so big, I think to myself.
(If you saw my movie, you might cry a little, too.) :)
September 15, 2015
I just turned down a job offer, for (I think) the first time in my life, and even though I feel confident that it was the right decision, inside I am a little discombobulated about it. I guess I have decided to interpret this development as a sign that things are looking up.
September 17, 2015
Substitute teaching for FWCS for the first time tomorrow afternoon! I am only a little nervous about it. Geoff North says he would be freaking terrified, which has me reconsidering my frame of mind a little. Ha! I am starting out easy, though, I think, with a mere half day at a school I'm a little familiar with (Katie's). At the very least, I think this is the start of a new adventure, and I've been wanting one of those.
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For crap's sake, these kids want to eat dinner today, too! #unfair
September 18, 2015
A Friday afternoon with 8th graders may not, in fact, have been an easy introduction to subbing after all.
September 21, 2015
Tonight each of the four of us has somewhere we have to be at different, overlapping times, resulting in me offering to leave Katie at home by herself for about an hour this evening. "Oh, I'd like to be at home by myself," she said. "Because then I can talk out loud to myself and pretend I'm a YouTuber and it won't be awkward and I won't have to whisper."
Whatever floats your boat, kid. (Me, I remember doing a lot of loud singing when left at home by myself.)
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There's another conversation Katie and I had in the car today that I'd like to remember. Often when the two of us are alone in the car together, I find myself looking at her and feeling a little overwhelmed with my feelings for her. Today I smiled at her and told her that she was precious to me. She smiled a little and thanked me, and I realized something.
I told her that she could always thank me for things I've done for her or given her, for places I've taken her or lessons I've taught her, but that I will love her no matter what, that that's just how I feel about her, and neither of us can do anything about that, and she really doesn't need to thank me. Then, since there were some tears rolling down my cheeks, I told her she could most likely also always count on me being emotional. And we both laughed.
September 28, 2015
Heading out to pick up some toilet paper, get some gas in the car, be in charge of some third graders for an afternoon. As you do.
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So far my mood upon leaving a sub assignment is pretty much to feel like weeping in relief. Huh.
September 29, 2015
In the ongoing saga of Jessie's subbing experience, today and the rest of this week have turned out to be like a gift; I am subbing for a middle school teacher in special ed who mostly travels around the school all day assisting kids in classes led by other teachers, and when I am in charge of my own group (twice), the classes have fewer than five kids. I get to watch other teachers do their thing! And be helpful! (And observe that sometimes even the best teachers still don't have total control of all of their students at all times. Of course.)
It's the end of the day, and I am still completely exhausted. But looking forward to coming back to the same placement for the next three days.
October 5, 2015
Today after school I did this dumb ridiculous thing where I looked to my left but kept walking straight ahead, and looked forward just in time to walk face first into a vertical metal beam. The good news is that I'm ok, that Katie was with me and able to call Geoff & look out for me until he got there, and that Geoff was able to come get me (and also called kind friends like Anna & Pastor Greg, who brought me ice and drove my car home for me). My sad state brought out the best in Katie, who brought me a Diet Coke & water, set me up with my electric blanket, and made me French toast when I was eventually hungry. Also, I am going to have the most impressive black eye of my life.
It has been quite an afternoon.
October 6, 2015
Found out a couple of Katie's "friends" routinely tell her she has a pig nose, and often push up their noses at her, you know, if they're across the room or bus from her and they need to remind her how much they think her nose looks like a pig's, and I just CAN'T EVEN with this crap. Also, I am tired and my swollen eye is itchy and sore, and it looks like our health insurance premiums will increase substantially in 2016. I am taking to my bed. Tomorrow will be better.
October 8, 2015
Ahhhhh!! I accidentally touched my eyebrow with my pinky finger!!! Excuse me while I take awhile to sit over here and catch my breath and recover.
October 9, 2015
I would not have guessed it, but I'm finding the challenging sixth graders more challenging than the challenging eighth graders. Only one more class left to teach today!
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I told Geoff I was having a hard day. He brought home three bottles of wine. #goodman
October 11, 2015
The fact that I've encountered a significant number of people who think it's a pretty funny joke to suggest that perhaps Geoff is responsible for my black eye really kind of creeps me out.
October 12, 2015
Apparently somebody in Katie's strings class asked her this afternoon if her Mom was subbing at the school today, and when Katie said yes, the girl said to Katie, "I thought so. She's nice, and she smiles a lot, and she has a pretty smile, like you." So there are some nice girls who go to school with Katie, too. :)
October 13, 2015
So apparently my post-injury cranial nerves and overall brain health are fine. But - in news not directly related to my injury - my vision is now only 20/25, which is not bad for somebody who's MIDDLE AGED.
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Just bought Katie a dress for her first school dance on Thursday. #speakingofmiddleaged
October 19, 2015
High school subbing: achievement unlocked (only half a day). Verdict: surprisingly similar to middle schoolers.
October 21, 2015
I have subbed for 9 full days and 3 half days, at a middle school, an elementary school, and a high school. Today, for just about the first time, I decided I might enjoy subbing after all.
October 24, 2015
The girls are watching a couple of music videos about YouTube star Pewdiepie.
Katie: He's so lucky. He talked one time about his typical day. He doesn't even have to leave the house unless he wants to. He just makes three videos a day. I wish I could do that.
Annabel: I'm going to do that when I grow up.
Me: Maybe you two could do that together and be a big hit.
Annabel: (loud stage whisper) AND THEN WE COULD HAVE A THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!
October 25, 2015
Dear Dr. North,
You are brilliant and hard-working and thoughtful and musically (and generally) awesome. You rock. Great Hymn Fest today!
Love, you know who.
—-
Katie and I ran-walked a 5k today with some good friends (Audra! Amber!), and we hadn't sufficiently trained - Katie had never actually run more than 5 or 6 minutes at a time. She kept getting stitches in her side and didn't have good running shoes, so an ankle was bugging her, but she kept going, running whenever she could, walking when she felt like she had to, red-faced and uncomfortable after 5 or 10 minutes in, but never giving up. She ran hard across the finish line. I am so proud of my girl.
October 26, 2015
Earlier this year, it came to our attention that our elder child was not familiar with the concept of studying for a test or having to work too hard for her grades. We had quite a few conversations about improving (creating?) good study habits. Today we learned that, through her hard work, she has changed two A minuses, two B's, and one C (after a month of school) to three A pluses and two A minuses. Yay, Katie!
October 27, 2015
"Mom, this is a really big notebook. No offense."
October 31, 2015
I know it's just a store, but when I come to Costo - especially by myself - it always smells like POSSIBILITIES. Ha!
November 7, 2015
Sometimes ("at least once a day," she says) Annabel walks into the room and over to me and then sits on my lap, even though she barely fits. This afternoon, thinking about how this will end before too long, I find myself appreciating it very much.
November 8, 2015
Tonight in the car, I told Katie that she and Annabel were going to spend the night with the Reinders this weekend.
Katie: Why?
Me: So your dad and I can go out to celebrate our anniversary.
Katie (with great anxiety): Are you going to see Hamilton?
Me: No!
Katie: Ok, good.
Me: It's only in New York.
Katie: What?! Oh, no.
She's officially a fan of Hamilton now, I guess.
November 10, 2015
Possibly my favorite subbing day so far: teaching math to 7th graders. (I actually got to do some teaching, even!)
November 14, 2015
Have started to have real difficulty figuring out where I know familiar faces from when I am out and about! I blame subbing.
November 16, 2015
Today is my & Geoff's anniversary, and we will probably spend about 20 waking minutes together today. (I woke up about 5:30, left with Katie at 6:45 and stayed at her school to sub. He woke up around 7:30, dropped off Annabel on the way to his own class. I got home with Katie at about 3:10; he picked up Annabel after she was done with choir at 4 and got home not too long after. At 4:30, I drove Katie to IPFW for Fort Wayne children's choir, and I'll stay here until she's done at 6:30. When we get home around 7, Geoff will soon be on his way out the door to IPFW for his choir there, and won't be home until around 10, at which time I will either be asleep or almost.) One good thing about being married for 13 years and together for over 17 years, I guess, is that individual somewhat arbitrary dates don't necessarily have much significance; we are in it for the long haul. (Also, we got a whole evening to celebrate last Saturday!) We have had many great days and many not so great days, and I hope and assume that we will have a lot more of each in our future. For better and for worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, in frantic busy-ness and in tranquility. I'm glad we're married. Every day.
November 17, 2015
Tomorrow I am subbing for Katie's math and science teacher. She is already losing her middle schooler mind over it.
November 18, 2015
Despite yesterday's extreme trepidation, at the end of her (two hour and twenty minute) class with me today, Katie told me she wanted me to come back and sub for one of her teachers again. :)
November 19, 2015
I saw a new book about the Salem witch trials today at Costco, which I did not buy but am eager to read. I figure after I've read it I will write my own musical based on it, which will feature mostly disco music, and in which I will star. It will take the theatrical world by storm and then become a big Broadway hit. I've got the next few years all planned out, is what I'm saying.
PS I would seriously like to read the book.
November 20, 2015
It is 4:43 pm on Friday afternoon. I am in my nightgown and snuggly animal print sleeper thing and slippers. I am not sorry.
November 21, 2015
IT IS SNOWING HUGE SLUSHY FLAKES AND I AM (for some reason) SO EXCITED! TIme-Life Treasury of Christmas, here I come!
November 25, 2015
Tonight on my way to bed I stopped by the girls' room to look at their sweet faces and stroke Katie's hair (she who went to bed in tears from tiredness). Despite me speaking to them and touching them, neither one stirred in her sleep at all. They are still young enough and innocent enough, I guess, to feel completely safe here at home in their warm beds, and tonight I am thankful for that.
November 26, 2015
Thankful for my families - my family of origin, the family I helped create, and the family I married into - and thankful for a sweet, loving, feast day with so many of these beloved family members. They are good, good people, and I love them very much.
December 1, 2015
On some days of subbing, the biggest challenge is making it until a restroom break.
——
Today some of the 8th grade social studies students went up to the whiteboard, while I was helping individual students with questions about the worksheet, and drew male genitalia for us all to enjoy. And yet *I* was the one who shocked the class by saying the word "penis" out loud. So, yeah, that happened.
December 2, 2015
Sometimes there is a morning when everyone is cooperative and works hard and tries to be efficient. Shoes are located and put on by their own wearers, uncompleted homework is completed without complaint, breakfast is prepared and eaten promptly, feet are moved at a reasonably fast pace, drop offs are executed with friendly smiles and waves. And you think, well, maybe we are doing ok after all.
(There is no punchline here; this was actually today!)
December 3, 2015
Original bedtime song, heard tonight in our home: "I have a robotic penis. I love it. I love it." (Repeat ad infinitum.)
December 4, 2015
Am reaching a preliminary, tentative conclusion that it might not just be me: substitute teaching may actually often be difficult.
December 5, 2015
How do you know your sick child is feeling better? Her obnoxiousness returns to or exceeds normal levels! (She is now scooting herself around on the floor, making "rawr" sounds every few seconds.)
December 7, 2015
My not-quite-12-year-old just invited me to go to the neighborhood coffee shop with her this afternoon, "just you and me, mama?" So of course I said yes.
(She is one of my very favorite people. I'm so lucky.)
December 12, 2015
This morning I told Annabel that I would like a second hug, and that I loved her so much. She hugged me hard and said, "I would never give you up, no matter how much money someone said they would give me, unless I could use some of the money to buy you back." Sweet and savvy, that one.
December 14, 2015
Today on the way to our car after school, Katie was telling me about a classmate of hers who felt really bad today - so bad that she was talking about killing herself. Katie told her that she shouldn't, and that she might feel bad now but that that feeling wouldn't last forever (but dying would), but she didn't know what else to do. And so we turned around and went back into the office and let them know, so that just in case this girl needs some help, we will have tried to help her get it. (The school counselor is going to talk to Katie tomorrow, then - probably - the other girl.)
I am so grateful for this daughter who trusts me enough to talk to me about anything.
December 18, 2015
Lately I've been having some issues with my vision. Boo! Today I had an eye exam, and it turns out that I am not, in fact, going blind - I just need reading glasses. Yay! While I was gone for my appointment, our furnace stopped working. Boo! But the repair guy arrived within a couple of hours. Yay! We needed a $400 part. Boo! But the part was covered by warranty. Yay! (We still had to pay labor, but it wasn't too exorbitant.)
And now I am having a glass of wine. In our warm house. While I knit & wear my new glasses.
December 19, 2015
Annabel says I'm turning into someone who looks like a grandma. "Sorry, but it's true." And then she giggles. A lot.
December 23, 2015
"Let's make those cookies that I really like!"
"Ok. Go out to the fridge in the garage and bring in the chilled dough."
And the cry of anguish and despair could be heard through all the land. (She did go, though.)
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So far today we've had some cookie baking, some present wrapping while listening to holiday music, some last minute shopping (for food and for gifts, both), and tonight we'll have a final pre-Christmas Eve choir rehearsal. But now we have almost reached that most special time: the festive holiday litter box scooping!
December 24, 2015
Dear Facebook friends: Katie is singing the first verse of "Once in Royal David's City" (a cappella & solo) to start tonight's Christmas Eve service, and she is very nervous. If you have kind words to help bolster her strength or relieve her anxiety, or if you are there at tonight's service and get a chance to let her know afterward that you appreciated her singing (assuming, of course, that you did), we would be highly appreciative. :)
December 25, 2015
We have had a lovely Christmas Day, spent with each other and with other family members we love, opening lovely gifts and eating delicious food and laughing and talking. It is impossible for me to have a day like today without feeling so, so grateful. We are so lucky. I wish peace and joy and happiness and love for all of you, too, my friends. Today and all of the other days besides.
December 31, 2015
I am wearing my new-for-Christmas foot duvets, we are about to watch Empire Strikes Back (first time for the girls), and after that we will have chocolate fondue and play some of the family games Santa brought us. I have made myself a bourbon lemonade, and it is delicious. It's a nice, cozy night with my sweet family. For me, 2015 had a lot of happiness, much love, a few triumphs, a couple of adventures, some disappointments, many laughs, and tears a'plenty (mostly because I'm a crier). As usual, I continue to feel most lucky and grateful for the wonderful people in my life - happy new year to all of you!
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