1/2/14: Yesterday the four of us played Uno together after dinner, and it was actually surprisingly fun, except for when Annabel was having a hard time dealing and I mouthed jokingly to Geoff, across the table from me, "worst. dealer. ever," which Katie saw and then said aloud, which made Annabel cry and cry and CRY really hard. I apologized profusely, hugged her, said I was teasing and that learning to deal cards is hard, and finally she calmed down. "Worst. mother. ever," I said, which made her cry some more, although not as hard, until finally she calmed down and we finished the game happily. Oy. (And yet even after that I would still play again soon!)
1/6/14: Playing the game of Life on the iPad with the girls, and I swear, when my career options were lawyer ($90k) or teacher ($40k), I could not bring myself to choose lawyer. I have issues.
1/7/14: If you're local (or nearby and interested), you're invited to attend the opening reception of our photography exhibit at the Garrett Museum of Art! (This is the final step in the series of courses I've been taking since the fall of 2012.)
1/13/14: Me, to Annabel, noticing that her uniform jumper is shorter on her now: You're getting taller. Annabel: I know, I like it when I grow! But I also want to be a baby again. Not a big baby, a small baby. But I'm not sure I want to be in your belly again... Even though I think you are nice and sweet.
1/16/14: Today Annabel, who'd been given a drawing by a friend, gave the drawing (after requesting permission from the artist friend) to another little girl who was sobbing at how much she wanted it, "because mommy, she was crying SO HARD!" and Katie just spent 15 minutes out in the cold visiting with the next door dog who had been left out there shivering (and Katie was tearing up when explaining to me how sweet the dog is). So even though they were both moody and weepy and so obnoxious in the 20 minute ride home from dinner that I pretty much lost my cool (and turned off the music so we could all sit in silence), I guess when all is said and done I still prefer these particular tender-hearted, sensitive children above all others.
1/26/14: Last night Katie told me she was worried and didn't know why; she just felt anxious, and she's been thinking about how everyone dies, and! She had suddenly thought - she was going to be an old person before she knew it! And she was sad. I kissed her good night and told her that it won't be before she knows it. I meant it, and I was sure I was right. But I admit I had a moment just now (for no particular reason) when I wasn't so sure.
1/28/14: "Bad things are going to happen. Your tomatoes will grow a fungus and your cat will get run over. Someone will leave the bag with the ice cream melting in the car and throw your blue cashmere sweater in the drier. Your husband will sleep with a girl your daughter’s age, her breasts spilling out of her blouse. Or your wife will remember she’s a lesbian and leave you for the woman next door. The other cat– the one you never really liked–will contract a disease that requires you to pry open its feverish mouth every four hours. Your parents will die. No matter how many vitamins you take, how much Pilates, you’ll lose your keys, your hair and your memory. If your daughter doesn’t plug her heart into every live socket she passes, you’ll come home to find your son has emptied the refrigerator, dragged it to the curb, and called the used appliance store for a pick up–drug money. There’s a Buddhist story of a woman chased by a tiger. When she comes to a cliff, she sees a sturdy vine and climbs half way down. But there’s also a tiger below. And two mice–one white, one black–scurry out and begin to gnaw at the vine. At this point she notices a wild strawberry growing from a crevice. She looks up, down, at the mice. Then she eats the strawberry. So here’s the view, the breeze, the pulse in your throat. Your wallet will be stolen, you’ll get fat, slip on the bathroom tiles of a foreign hotel and crack your hip. You’ll be lonely. Oh taste how sweet and tart the red juice is, how the tiny seeds crunch between your teeth." Relax, by Ellen Bass
2/1/14: Annabel's knock knock joke: Knock knock. Who's there? Orange lamb. Orange lamb who? Chopped up head!!!!! (We really did laugh and laugh.)
2/2/14: Between September 8th and today I have lost 40 pounds. It feels awkward to talk about weight loss here - or almost anywhere, really - but I have worked really hard and I feel really good today, and so I'm sharing. Many thanks to a terrific group of women who have provided me with a competitive & yet supportive format that apparently works well for me. You know who you are!
2/23/13: Overheard, Annabel to Katie: You crack me up. You crack me up like a chicken egg.
3/10/14: My children are eating leftover birthday cake, and I am somewhat pitifully trying to enjoy the smell. Just enjoy that delicious smell! Ahhh! So chocolatey! So banana-y! Mmmmmm. Tasting it would only ruin the experience!
3/23/14: Here is one way it gets easier: Geoff is napping, the girls are watching a show. I told them I was going to the store but that they could wake their dad up if they needed anything. "WHERE are you going?" demanded Annabel. "The store," I said. "Oh," she said, looking back at the screen. So I left. AND NEITHER OF THEM EVEN ASKED TO COME. #parenting
3/24/14: 2.30 miles, Couch to 5k. Running for 1.5 minute segments, and I only felt like I might keel over dead once!
3/25/14: Nursery, 11:00 pm Asleep, the two of you, daughter and son, in separate cribs, what does it matter to you that I stand watching you now, I, the mother who did not smile all day, who yelled, Go away, get out, leave me alone when the soup-pot tipped over on the stove, the mother who burned the muffins and hustled bedtime, tight-lipped. You are far away, beyond reach of whispered amends. Yet your calm breathing seems to forgive, unwinding into the air to mesh like lace, knitting together the holes in the dark. It makes of this dark one whole covering to shawl around me. How warm it is, I think, how much softer than my deserving. -- Robyn Sarah (with thanks to Carissa for sharing this with me years ago) (My children don't sleep in cribs anymore, but we still have some days - and nights - like this.)
4/8/14: Annabel keeps pulling Katie's pillow down from the top bunk and throwing it on the floor - then telling us not to get the pillow, because Katie needs to get it herself so that she'll "learn good manners" "in case she goes to a castle." It's all about the learning, around here.
4/17/14: Geoff brings me coffee and lunch today (because I failed to pack lunch for myself), and tells me I'm welcome, because it was worth it just to see my face for a minute. This evening he points to a picture of Christina Hendricks (ha! this sat here for hours as JOAN Hendricks, and it's only many hours later that I am realizing my error) on the cover of some magazine and tells me he thinks I really look a lot like her. Clearly my choice of husband was (is) a good one.
4/21/14: I just ran 2.03 miles using WEEK 3 DAY 1 of ACTIVE's Couch-to-5K program. More importantly, I ran three whole minutes at a time! Twice! WoooooooOOOOOooooo.
4/24/14: Poem for today. "What We Want," by Linda Pastan. What we want is never simple. We move among the things we thought we wanted: a face, a room, an open book and these things bear our names - now they want us. But what we want appears in dreams, wearing disguises. We fall past, holding out our arms and in the morning our arms ache. We don't remember the dream, but the dream remembers us. It is there all day as an animal is there under the table, as the stars are there even in full sun.
4/24/14: It is really, really difficult to stop myself from eating the mini Easter Reese's cups that are sitting on the desk next to me. REALLY HARD. I probably need a gold star for resisting them. Or at least a high five.
4/25/14: Annabel said to Katie that she wished she would live forever and never die, which sent Katie into a sobbing, shivering, panic attack about how we're all going to die. I told her that everything was all right, and that nothing had changed from a few minutes before, which only helped a little, because of course she's not wrong. We are all going to die. It's a lot to take in. Poor kid.
4/27/14: At Culver's with Annabel, for lunch. True story. Me: ok, I think you can eat your corn dog now. It's cooled off. A: you can't know that unless you touch it. Me: I did touch it. A: well, you can't really know, because you would have to BE the corn dog. Me: well, I can't be the corn dog, that's true. A: but you could dress up like one! Me: ...
4/30/14: Annabel is making a potion. It requires the yellow part of a dandelion, wet sand, green grass and green leaves, rain, a tear from a girl, and five days of sunlight. We don't yet know what it will do.
5/1/14: 61 months without: any serious illness, any broken bones, any medical emergency, any need for a trip to the hospital, or any health insurance (for me and Geoff North; less time for the girls). We are a very lucky family. And as of today, we are insured, too. #obamacare
5/1/14: A Facebook friend of mine (hi, Toni!) shared this quote today, and I thought it was so comforting and beautiful I wanted to share it, too. It's by Dr. Benjamin E. Mays: “It must be borne in mind that the tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. It isn’t a calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled, but it is a calamity not to dream. It is not a disaster to be unable to capture your ideal, but it is a disaster to have no ideal to capture. It is not a disgrace not to reach the stars, but it is a disgrace to have no stars to reach for.”
5/7/14: Half an hour at home with the girls - Katie mostly played Minecraft, Annabel mostly watched some show on Netflix, and I mostly continued reading Cheryl Strayed's "tiny beautiful things" on the bed next to Annabel. At one point Annabel wanted to tell me something about her show, and I looked up from my book, tears streaming down both of my cheeks, to listen; she had absolutely no reaction to my emotional state, which greatly amused me. (Sometimes people say they never cry in front of their kids, but if I didn't cry in front of mine, I'm thinking they might not know the real me, so I'm cool with it. Apparently they are, too.)
5/9/14: We'll have to sit down on Sunday and make a meal plan, I said. "How about I just cook all the meals next week," Geoff said. And the heavens opened and the angels sang.
5/11/14: One of my favorite things about working at a preschool is the feeling I get at an event attended by parents & family, because when I look at the people in the audience, I see their love for their children all over their faces. It always gives me renewed hope in - well, pretty much everything. Wishing a happy Mother's Day to all of the women who have loved & supported children, whether they're mothers or not, and especially to my own mother Laurie, my stepmom Celia, and my mother in law Trish. I am grateful to have you in my life!
5/11/14: Some days, I think about the Puritans (as they existed in all of books I read about the Salem witch trials when I was a kid, at least), and how the children had to sit still - and did sit still! - on hard wooden pews for hours without speaking or getting up or even moving very much. And now that I'm a parent instead of a kid, some days, when I think about the Puritans, I am just a little teensy bit jealous.
5/15/14: Coco has determined that her super secret undercover spy mission, should she choose to accept it, is to deconstruct the living room rug, strand by strand. NO GO, COCO LOCO.
5/22/14: An evening that no one in the Fort Wayne North family needs to go anywhere? Almost feels as good as a weekend. We should try this more often!
5/23/14: Katie, from the shower: Mom! I keep getting water all over my face and all over me, and it's SO ANNOYING. Me: ...
5/24/14: Annabel: Frogs are real but we never see them, right? Me: Not very often, I guess. A: But they're real. Like dinosaurs. They're real. Me: Right, there just aren't any alive now. A: Yeah, they all died. They were probably alive way back in the EIGHTIES!
5/26/14: It's been a great day. The party guests have gone home, and we and one neighbor girl are still bouncing in the bouncehouse. As I walk to get my water, Annabel says, "mommy, did you hear what I said? BEST! PARTY! EVER!" And just like that, the day is even better.
5/28/14: News flash: puppies are cute, but they can also be really obnoxious. The more you know!
6/6/14: Somehow we have ended up in the position of hosting a sleepover tomorrow night for FIVE of Katie's friends, who we will be allowing to take over our bedroom for the night, since there is really no other space in the house big enough to hold all of their (momentarily, anyway) sleeping bodies. There will be karaoke, nail painting, and perhaps Frisbee or kickball outside. (Personally, I am most excited about the taco bar for dinner and sundae bar for dessert.) As we approach the event, please keep Geoff and me in your minds and hearts.
6/6/14: First C25K workout that involved me running for longer than I walked! Not by much - 16 v. 15.5 - but I am still proud of myself. And also sweaty and red-faced and blistered (because I failed to put on socks - dummy!). I just ran 2.34 miles using WEEK 4 DAY 1 of ACTIVE's Couch-to-5K program
6/7/14: "Don't leave your spoon on the toilet." "Why?" North girls' motto: let no instruction go unchallenged!
6/8/14: For those curious, Katie's sleepover was, I believe, a success. One girl didn't show up, so including Katie and Annabel, we had six girls for the night. They were all polite and funny and nice to Annabel, who spent most of the evening with them; they played well together, mostly outside, then stayed up way too late talking but then slept in a little. It wasn't too crazy - I would do it again sometime, even!
6/9/14: Annabel has begun to act out a very dramatic scene about a little girl who is STARVING, whose father told her that she can never eat any food ever again, and thus soon she will DIE. This young actress's performance is real, nearly flawless, and simply heartrending. (Behold as I wipe away this single tear.)
6/13/14: Random woman at the farmers market harassed us repeatedly about buying/taking Coco from us. Included in her tactics was the tried and true method of attempting to convince Coco herself that she would be happier with her than with us. It was odd. We all decided we liked the man selling taffy and fudge much better than we liked that woman.
6/14/14: So far this morning, I started the coffee maker with no filter (and then spent over half an hour cleaning up the mess and re-starting coffee), and then an unidentified insect fell down - from the tree I was sitting under in the back yard - directly into/under the v-neck of my shirt, freaking me out and making me spill my (finally ready to drink) coffee. I'm hoping this means that the rest of today is going to be AWESOME.
6/22/14: Excited to wear her new goggles Annabel says: at least if I drown my eyes won't get wet!
6/27/14: Katie sees a spoon on the ground during our morning walk. She says, "What is it with people and spoons these days?!!" I have no answer.
6/28/14: Sometimes I read a book or hear someone talk about a woman who, all her life (or for decades, maybe) did this, that, and another thing for her family "without complaint." And I always think, in pretty much this order: 1) wow. 2) really? 3) that will not be said about me.
6/28/14: Lowlight of motherhood: having to comfort my sobbing child who is sobbing because I made her stop pinching my butt.
7/4/14: Cedar Point was great! (Although my companion could not be convinced to ride any of those really big roller coasters, we did ride several older & smaller coasters and lots of other rides.) Our mood was dampened considerably when my phone was killed (or at least made comatose) by a water ride, however. I won't be getting any texts or phone calls for the next day or two, I guess. Feel free to message me here!
7/7/14: It is possible that this summer, the sixteenth summer that Geoff and I have been together, will be the most difficult, financially speaking, that we have shared. Maybe. By God, I am determined it's going to be a good summer anyway! (Also, am drinking cheap wine as mood booster!)
7/10/14: Annabel just declared loudly, "For your inchamation!" And then refused to explain what inchamation she was (not) sharing. We remain uninchamed.
7/13/14: Geoff is gone, so we girls cried a little, then came home, made our own sundaes, and are watching Cake Boss. Later: painting bookshelves, going for a walk, and watching Harry Potter. Well, of COURSE we'll be fine!
7/13/14: When Katie and I were at Cedar Point and my phone died, Geoff went from hearing from us every few hours to not at all - and although on the way home, at around 10 pm, we stopped at a McDonald's to use the wifi on the iPad to let him know we were ok - he had a lot of hours to wonder what had happened to us. Eight years ago this month, Katie and I were headed to Kokomo from Chicago when we were rear ended by a fast moving car driven by a young man who was killed in the collision. Our car was totaled, but we were fine. Today Geoff and the girls drove (from church to lunch at the Indian buffet) separately from me, and I ended up far enough ahead that I couldn't see them. As I waited for them, I had been thinking about those two experiences above, and as I wondered where they were, two ambulances sped by going the direction I had just come from, and: what would I do if I lost them? - raced through my head, and I felt almost sick at the thought. They are fine. We are fine. I am so glad. (We've also been watching a lot of Six Feet Under lately.)
7/13/14: Sitting at the table with Annabel, who is eating her salad for dinner (!), when she looks up at me with a mouthful of food and says to me, "Mommy? Is love the most important thing about humans? And family?" KIDS. Sometimes so very awesome.
7/19/14: Snippet of life with Annabel these days: She is sitting with me, almost on top of me, asking many questions. She says, "Why are the hairs on your legs so sharp? I don't like it." I say that they're sharp because I shave my legs but haven't in awhile. A few minutes later, I go into the bathroom to sit on the side of the tub and shave my legs. She follows me. I tell her she doesn't need to come into the bathroom with me, she can keep watching her show. "I want to see," she says. She asks many questions about what I'm doing, complains that she can't see and asks me to adjust the way I'm sitting. I answer her questions and I adjust. There is a pause while she watches me, and then she says. "Ok, this isn't very interesting. Sorry. Can I leave now?" YES, YOU MAY LEAVE. (And so she did.)
7/24/14: "I'm afraid I'll feel like I've missed out on a huge life opportunity if I reach a certain age and haven't had children or adopted a child," says my ten-year-old. (Taking "can worry about anything" to new levels.)
7/26/14: Katie has taken to laughing, then pausing to announce "lol!" then laughing more. I have explained the ridiculousness of this, but I think it is becoming A Thing.
7/27/14: Here is something I learned this year and actually put into practice: days with exercise are better (or less bad) than those without. And even slow walks and kitchen dances count.
7/31/14: Sixteen years since I left Chicago to meet Geoff in person (I arrived after midnight, on the 1st). I am so glad I did; my life is immeasurably better for having him in it.
7/31/14: I had a sudden realization recently that about the only times I don't really mind cleaning are when I do it with other people. And thus, today we held our first official Family Cleaning Time, where we listened to music and cleaned - all four of us - for a solid thirty minutes. There is still plenty of cleaning to be done, but we got a lot done, and no one really seemed to mind! In conclusion: AM BRILLIANT.
8/2/14: In addition to her regular fifth grade curriculum, this year Katie will be in an art class (taken by invitation only, students will design & create murals and other art for the school) and will be taking piano, strings (violin), photography, dance, and will be singing in two different school choirs. All at her public school, all for a yearly fee of $35, all at her choice. I am excited and pleased for her. And maybe a little envious!
8/9/14: Anne Lamott is really good at making me feel like it's okay to feel crappy about things that aren't really that important in the grand scheme of things while simultaneously reminding me that those things *aren't* that important in the grand scheme of things. I feel like that is an extraordinarily rare talent.
8/10/14: Sitting outside with Geoff, drinking a lemon drop martini while he smokes a cigar and drinks coffee, talking about stuff, making lists for the upcoming year, reading articles and quotes to each other, enjoying the golden pre-twilight and the gentle breeze, all while our daughters play inside together, and I think about how people told me, back when they were wearing diapers, not walking, not talking, and not sleeping through the night, how it would "never get any easier," and I take another sip of my martini and laugh a little. NEVER ANY EASIER, that's right.
8/12/14: They have taken to choreographing their own contemporary dances. (They have a nearly six minute routine for this song - this is just a small piece of it.)
8/18/14: Katie & Annabel's first day of school 2014 - 1st grade & 5th grade. They are very excited about their first (and probably only) year of going to the same school at the same time.
8/21/14: Throughout her years in school, when Katie receives any kind of reprimand from her teacher, that seems to become the focus of her entire day. She'll feel embarrassed or sad or angry, depending on what happened, and talk about how she's a bad kid or her teacher doesn't like her. Hours after it's happened, she sometimes will cry when she talks about it. On the other hand, when I asked Annabel today how school had been, she cheered, "Good!" When I asked, a few minutes later, if she'd gotten in trouble at all, she babbled happily about how yes, she had gotten in trouble, for what she wasn't quite sure, but that her teacher had said that if she didn't stop being naughty that she (the teacher) might have to send a note home. She admitted she had been a little embarrassed. And then she skipped off to do something else. This behavior is kind of foreign to me, but I think I like it.
8/22/14: Week one of back-to-school is done and it has been, I think it's safe to say, a success. Neither girl has protested going in the morning and both like their teachers. Katie accompanies Annabel to her classroom each day (aww) and they seem to have a fun ride home on the bus each day. They also get along better than they were getting along toward the end of summer break, when they spent all day together. And I, since I have not gone back to school yet, watched six movies (five of them pretty good!).
8/29/14: Last night at Katie's back-to-school night, Katie hugged her teacher when it was time to go. After less than two weeks of class! I haven't seen her hug her teacher since first grade. I think she's going to have a good year.
8/31/14: Overheard: "One time I thought I pooped in the bath, but it was really just a monkey."
9/1/14: Ready to eat linner (lupper?) before we stop at Trader Joe's and then head home. We've had a nice vacation. We like Indianapolis.
9/7/14: I JUST JOGGED FOR TEN WHOLE MINUTES IN A ROW. And then, after walking for three minutes, I DID IT AGAIN. This might be the proudest I've been of myself in years. I AM A ROCK STAR.
9/8/14: Left: 9/16/13, a little over a week after I started a weight loss/health challenge that I've kept up, on and off, ever since. Right: today, 9/8/14. Annabel took both. (I used to hate that photo on the left. Now I don't.)
9/8/14: Here is a thing that I am thinking, when it comes to weight loss, dieting, exercising, eating healthier, eating less, and moving more: after a year of doing it, it is still a struggle. (Right now, I am hungry.) Almost every day is a struggle & a negotiation with myself, to get me to get up and get active, to go to bed without snacking in the evening, to use measuring cups & a kitchen scale for a lot of my meals & snacks, and - most importantly, I guess - to convince myself that taking charge of how I move and what I eat is truly more valuable to me than getting extra time to sit on my butt or to eat everything that sounds good. Maybe the biggest difference between now and a year ago is that now it's a struggle I'm familiar with. I am not proud of myself for the weight loss (although I am happy about it!), because the weight loss - on a week-to-week, month-to-month basis - is a crap shoot. (One week I'll gain two pounds and the next I'll lose five, and from my perspective, my activity & intake during those weeks often seems identical.) But I am proud of myself for a year of tracking everything I eat and drink, for a year of paying attention to my body, for a year of doing what I think is best in the long-term instead of what I crave in the short term, for a year of exercising 4-6 days a week, for a year of getting stronger and proving to myself that I can stick to some of my goals and that doing so will eventually result in progress and improvement. (And when I say improvement, I mean not only physical, but also mental and emotional improvement.) Ok, so I guess that was more than one thing that I'm thinking. :)
9/9/14: TWENTY FREAKING TWO MINUTES, BABY. I just ran 2.58 miles using WEEK 6 DAY 3 of ACTIVE's Couch-to-5K program
9/10/14: Today Katie was telling me about how some of the girls in her class talk about being fat, and how last week in dance class the dance teacher perked up and said, "Did I hear someone say 'fat'? Never say that in this class! Never say that about yourselves, because every one of you is beautiful." So I was thinking about all of the voices and opinions Katie hears, now that she's 10 - many of which I never hear - and I am grateful that this dance teacher is in her life.
9/11/14: Katie and I started a joint gratitude journal in August. We haven't been writing in it every day, but it's still a nice reminder of what's been happening in our lives that's good. One of my own favorite entries, though, is from a few weeks ago. On a hard day, I wrote that I was grateful "that even bad & sad days always come to an end and there's always a chance for a fresh start the next day." I have a pretty good life.
9/15/14: The girls are upstairs, supposedly getting in their PJ's, but I hear peal after peal of hysterical laughter. I kind of want to be irritated at their slowness, but I'm having a hard time of it.
9/18/14: So. Freaking. Difficult. But here's what I do, I just keep asking myself, whenever I want to stop (which is about a bajillion times, especially on a hot sunny day like today): Do I need to stop now? Or can I keep going a little longer? And then I keep going. (Until the voice in the app says to stop.) 28 minutes of running; 2.4 miles run. I just ran 3.10 miles using WEEK 8 DAY 1 of ACTIVE's Couch-to-5K program
9/18/14: Just recited aloud to Geoff the stream of consciousness that ran through my brain tonight while running, and kept going until he started laughing hysterically and told me to stop. It's an utterly monotonous melodramatic freakshow in my head, is what I'm saying, and if you're lucky, Facebook, someday I'll share the freakshow with you, too.
9/21/14: Listening to Katie upstairs, Skyping with friends and playing mine craft, when I hear her venting somewhat bitterly about HOW EARLY her parents are making her go to bed tonight. I joined in by shouting a "worst! parents! ever!" up the stairs, and received a stern, "MOM" in response. (She didn't report to them about the way she has sobbed and sobbed in the hour or two leading up to bedtime on the last few nights and that thus her parents might not be as crazy/cruel as it might seem. A girl needs her secrets. And her time to vent, I guess.)
9/25/14: Some days it seems like you should get a gold star just for not giving up.
9/25/14: Worst run ever. Hot & miserable, slow & sad. Heat & direct sun are my running nemeses, and now I would like to just sit down and cry quietly. HOWEVER! I knew it was too hot for me before I even set out, and so when I decided to do it anyway, I told myself my only goal was to keep running for the whole 30 minutes. And I did. Yay. PS. How come when I am so thirsty I could die, all I want to do is spit?
9/27/14: And then there are other days, when just about the whole day feels like a series of gold stars, just for me & mine.
9/30/14: This morning Katie was actually ready to leave a few minutes before it was time for her and Geoff to go, and instead of going to the computer or tv to while away those 7 or 8 minutes, she brought down A Wrinkle in Time, which she and I have been reading together at bedtime, so that we could read a few pages this morning, and as we read (she never wants me to do all the reading - usually we trade off each paragraph), I found myself absorbing the calm, happy, totally ordinary moment at our dining room table, in this house in Fort Wayne, on a dreary Tuesday morning, as one of those moments that means more than it might appear. Something about parents & kids and love & sharing and growing up. And I think I will remember it for a long time.
10/2/14: In other news, Annabel tied her own shoes for the very first time tonight! THE EXCITEMENT IS PALPABLE.
10/4/14: Oh, don't mind me, I'm just over here running MORE THAN 5 KILOMETERS, for no particular reason. (No warm up walk - all running.) I just ran 3.30 miles using FREE RUN of ACTIVE's Couch-to-5K program
10/4/14: Maybe this is silly, but awhile back I found myself thinking that all of the most exciting parts of my life might be behind me, and while I have much in my life that I love and am grateful for, I like to look forward to and experience adventure(s). That's not the silly part, really - the silly (but good!) part is that when I am running farther and faster and for longer than I would have thought I could, sometimes I find myself overcome with emotion about it, and I have realized: for right now, this running thing is my adventure. And while I still hope for some other adventures in my life, for now this is a pretty great one.
10/11/14: In my advancing years, this is apparently my Saturday morning of choice: getting up at 6:30 or so (when everyone else is in bed), putting on my leopard print full body sleeper thing, making myself coffee in the French press instead of the regular coffee maker, and watching a DVR'd episode of Parenthood by myself in the den.
10/17/14: The sun is shining, we are healthy, we got to see my dad this week and we'll see my mom today. Mom is keeping the kids overnight tonight so Geoff and I can go to dinner and to see Ben Folds with the Fort Wayne Philharmonic at the beautiful Embassy Theatre, and tomorrow we'll see more family we love at my nephew's birthday party. None of this is extraordinary; all of it is.
10/21/14: Today at my check up, the doctor listened to my heart and squinted at me: "Are you a runner?" After a brief discussion, we had to agree that that was indeed the case.
10/29/14: Had parent-teacher conferences for both girls today. This may come as a surprise to no one, but let it be known: I am so very proud of them both. (For reasons both related and unrelated to school.)
11/4/14: Is it ahead of time for a ten and a half year old to have reached the point where she doesn't think her parents know more than she does about just about anything? Or is this right on schedule? Asking for a friend.
11/7/14: It is cold and it is getting dark and I don't really want to go for a walk. But I guess I am going anyway. HARUMPH.
11/10/14: This morning Annabel was so nervous about going to school with her blue hair that she started crying. Yesterday when she realized I had posted her picture on Facebook, she had asked if she had gotten "any compliments," and I told her how many likes and comments she had gotten, which pleased her. This morning when she was freaking out I told her she had 57 likes! And I read her each compliment. She ducked her head and smiled in spite of herself, and she was feeling ok when I dropped her and Katie off at school. So thank you, Facebook friends!
11/10/14: Annabel has asked me to report back and let you know that she had a good day; people said that her hair looked awesome and great and that they loved it. (Although it turns out that she was too nervous to enter her first class, and I'm not sure what would have happened if Katie hadn't hung around to tell the teacher about Annabel's anxiety, at which point the teacher exclaimed, "I love your hair!", then took Annabel's hand and said, "let's go in together." So they did.)
11/12/14: Since the time change, I have been waking up (what is to me) ridiculously early, but usually I stay in bed for awhile trying to sleep, then get up, putter around, play Candy Crush, spend the day feeling exhausted and foggy-headed. Today after waking up at 4:30 and trying to sleep until 5:30, I got up and went for a run. And then I spent the day feeling clear-headed and alert and just generally awesome! Huh. Note to self.
11/12/14: Tonight the kid who won't willingly eat spicy food, because it "hurts too much" - even as much spiciness as a dash of black pepper creates - ripped out one of her molars with her bare hands because its looseness was bugging her. "Hard. Core," I told her.
11/17/14: Thank you to everyone who gave us restaurant recommendations for our anniversary dinner. I wanted to report back that we went to Baker Street and were very happy with that decision! Not only was everything (from appetizer & hard cider on tap to dessert) delicious, the service was also friendly and attentive, and the atmosphere was cozy & warm. When we arrived they presented us with an anniversary card that had been signed by the whole staff, which was a very sweet touch. They also let us know to leave room for our complimentary dessert, which means we each have enough of our entrees left over to eat them for lunch today! A rousing success!
11/27/14: "Introducing the amazing Katie North, who will sing a song about peas - the vegetable! And then after that...I will sing a song about buttocks!!!"
12/2/14: We had such a good visit with my dear mother in law Trish North. We'll miss her. (Katie wants to know: when will someone finally invent teleportation?)
12/5/14: Katie wrote a short essay in school about what she's thankful for, and while the first two sections - on family and friends - are quite nice, my favorite is the third section, on food. "I am so grateful for food as well. First of all, food is delicious and most has good texture! It fills you up and has a huge variety of flavors. And last but not least, with food you can ("almost" is here but crossed out) never go wrong!" She is her parents' child.
12/7/14: Katie's observation, after participating in the Nutcracker this weekend: "Boys look weird in tights, because boys have parts that just should not go in tights."
12/7/14: They were grumpy and whiny and hating each other, so we said no screens. Then I left the house and Geoff took a nap, and in the meantime, they played together.
12/8/14: It is 5:30 pm, and Geoff is not coming home tonight until after the girls are in bed. We have done homework, had dinner, and put on our PJ's in preparation for watching - not one, but TWO episodes of - Gilmore Girls on Netflix. THIS IS HOW WE NORTH GIRLS ROLL.
12/11/14: My younger daughter just successfully dialed my number from the landline in the church office (where she is waiting while her dad directs bell choir there) "just to chat" with me. Our chat was delightful. Also, she says her "r's" quite well now. It's official: my children are grown up.
12/13/14: "Welcome Morning" There is joy in all: in the hair I brush each morning, in the Cannon towel, newly washed, that I rub my body with each morning, in the chapel of eggs I cook each morning, in the outcry from the kettle that heats my coffee each morning, in the spoon and the chair that cry, "hello there, Anne" each morning, in the godhead of the table that I set my silver, plate, cup upon each morning. All this is God, right here in my pea-green house each morning and I mean though often forget, to give thanks, to faint down by the kitchen table in a prayer of rejoicing as the holy birds at the kitchen window peck into their marriage of seeds. So while I think of it, let me paint a thank-you on my palm for this God, this laughter of the morning, lest it go unspoken. The Joy that isn't shared, I've heard, dies young. --Anne Sexton
12/15/14: The driver in the car in front of me in the drive through just opened her door so that she could pay for her order, and I remembered all those years of having to open the door of the Beetle because the driver's side window was locked in place, leaving me filled with a sudden intense wave of gratefulness for having a working car window. Luxury, baby.
12/17/14: Katie will be singing the first verse of "Once in Royal David's City" in the Lessons & Carols service this Sunday. (She sounds pretty good.)
12/23/14: Last night I took Annabel shopping, mostly so she could spend some of her own money on a "Christmas outfit," but also to pick out a few gifts for others. Even though we had eaten dinner right before we left, she claimed she was "SO HUNGRY," and rather than buying her something at the mall, I bought her a cheeseburger at McDonald's that she ate in the car and said had "so much ketchup, and that made it delicious!" As we passed through downtown on the way home, I asked her if she wanted to drive by the holiday lights there. "Yes!" she said, and then, "this is the best day in my whole life with you!" And so of course I didn't mind going on the shopping trip, after all. (A few seconds later: "Mommy, are you crying?" Why no, of course not!)
12/26/14: If I say I'm going to go out in the cold to go for a run, then maybe I will.
12/28/14: Me to a giggling Annabel: how did you get to be so cute? A: I guess because you're so cute, and I came from you, so I'm cute! Me: Aww. How did you get to be so nice? A: I don't know...