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February 05, 2015



I am 47 and don't have kids but am feeling much the same things you are feeling. I recently began working out (cliche' January gym joiner) and have found that while it's not at all pretty or even proper, I really enjoy swimming. (When I say proper, I mean I know my strokes are not what a coach or teach would want them to be.) I am VERY out of shape but I can swim 15 laps and I feel so good about it and doing it. I much prefer it over the treadmill or elliptical. I would spend all day in the water if I could and it makes me feel better. So I come home to my house and husband and I act better and do better. And when I don't, I am better at giving myself grace and trying again. Thank you for sharing and now I have to go get that book.


So glad to see you back and see this post, Jessamyn! I see so many good things that are going on in your life--a really cool house and life in Indiana, two gorgeous, smart, spunky girls, a loving husband, a job I'm sure you're GREAT at (assuming you're still teaching at the preschool), a spectacular weight loss (congratulations--you look even more beautiful, if that's possible!), and the list goes on.

I would never have dreamed that sadness and self-doubt lie beneath the surface of what has looked like some wonderful years since leaving Chicago. I'm sorry to hear that; but I understand. I do it to myself, too.

Raising an older kid and a pre-teen is really challenging, isn't it? And yes, I too felt very capable mothering babies/toddlers/preschoolers. It was a job I felt "naturally" good at. But older kids make you think and reassess and ponder and doubt. And it's good, because they continue to refine us as we continue to help them find themselves.

I'm with Katie. Write! We want you to! :^)


I'm happy to see your post and glad for all the things you are happy about in your life. I wonder if some of this is exacerbated by having to live through winter for so many months, because I am in a very similar frame of mind today. I am, similarly to you, very happy with my husband and 10-year-old daughter, but some things are also making me very unhappy.

"“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -"


So wonderful to "hear" your voice again. I used to read you back in the day (don't remember what screen name I used) but we did have an exchange when you were in your second pregnancy and I sent on a gently used maternity dress (black? magenta?) I dunno. Love to see where your life has gone in the interim.


I'm so glad I swing by every once in a while to see if there is an update -- what a lovely surprise that there was one!

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