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January 04, 2008



I'm so sorry that you are going through this... I find myself doing the same sort of thing ... too often. And fallying prey to my fears that something like that could happen to me. It is my worst fear that my children will grow up without me... it eclipses any other fear I've ever had in my life. I try to seize the moment and live for today... and I keep a journal for them... for when they are older, so they can see what I hoped for them, what I adored about each age, what drove me nuts... and most of all so they have something concrete to see my love for them... just in case. It's morbid to write that, but it's true... I cannot let go of that fear. It doesn't rule my life anymore (when I was a new mom it sure did) but it is always lurking in the back of my mind. Motherhood is HARD.


Oh, Jessie -- big hugs to you! I experienced my first death of a friend a couple of years ago, and it was very, very hard and still makes me sad, even though we hadn't been really close since high school. It is such a shock that bad things can happen to the best of our friends, people our age and in our place in life. We're facing our own mortality as well.

I wish you a 2008 full of joy and wonder.


I'm so glad to read that I'm not the only one who does this...imagines a missed phone call means a terrible accident, a sudden illness, etc. You don't have to have bad things happen to you to imagine the worst. Poet Beth Ann Fenelly has a poem about sitting at the table with her daughter and husband, having a lovely evening, and then imagining the gods outside the home, looking in and plotting to destroy their happiness. We all imagine those plotting gods, I think.

I wish you a joyfilled 2008, too. I think it'll be wonderful for you all.


I know exactly how you feel! I got married this year to a wonderful man, and we bought a house and have two cats and two great sets of parents that live in town and close by so we are able to see them often. My husband has a brother who lives nearby and I have a sister that we see often as well. We have several very close friends that we see often too, and some that live out of town that we don't see as frequently, but we both love very much. My parents both just retired in the past year and they are enjoying all the time they get to spend together now. I feel so lucky and so blessed that I have so many people so close to me that I love so much. At the same time though, I feel very scared about ever losing any of this, or any of these people I hold so close to my heart. All anyone can do is enjoy the time that they have and make the best of it, and make sure that the people who you love know that they are loved.

I wish you and yours a good and happy 2008. Also, I forget that you lived in Kentucky for a while. Greetings from a Louisville, Kentucky native and current resident!

Miss Wisabus

I do hope that your 2008 is a better, more blessed year. I, too, can relate with the worry of losing all the wonderful things that you have. After losing a dear friend in September, my mortality became painfully real and I worried about losing others that were close to me. I guess...I guess all that we can do is live and hope. And love them while they're here.

Wendy M.

I am so sorry to hear this. What an incredibly sad story. My heart goes out to everyone involved.

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