self portrait as self-assessment tool

another self portrait
Originally uploaded by jessamynn.

I'm not really sure why I keep taking so many self-portraits lately. I keep wanting to take them, thinking that if I do it enough, I'll be keeping track of my progress, or taking my mental temperature, or something. "How am I doing?" I ask myself. And then I take another self portrait.

I'm doing ok. I've got this cool new skirt that is reversible, which means that even though I wore it to work last week, I can wear it again today, and to my co-workers it's a WHOLE NEW SKIRT. This makes me happy.

I got a haircut last Thursday, and got as close to a lecture as my hair stylist gives about my lack of consistency when it comes to coloring my hair. "You need to pick a color and stick with it," she told me. "Otherwise you end up with these rings and rainbows and whatever else you have going on!" So last night I colored my hair (4 weeks after the last time, the white roots were already showing clearly). It's pretty close to my natural (original) color right now, I think.

This morning I drove to work. Traffic was light, I think because of the holiday on Wednesday. The sun shone bright. The radio played songs I'd never heard that made me bounce in my seat a little bit. I was wearing my new skirt. And I realized that I was unequivocally happy. Not just ok or content, but happy.

A few hours later, sitting at my desk, thinking about things, wondering about the future, I felt another wave of sadness wash over me. It is possible that I think too much.

Geoff and I are planning a trip to New York City at the end of the month - our first trip-not-to-visit-family together since our honeymoon in November 2002. It's about time, I think.

Comments

[Laura]

I'm so glad you're feeling happy! It's such a simple, but oh-so-important thing, to realize in the moment that you're smiling just because.

[Erin]

I would just like to say that I never notice any rings on your head.

[Jessamyn]

Hee. It was a recent ring! (I actually really did have one - from when I colored my hair red last time, I apparently didn't have enough haircolor to saturate all of my hair, so there was a strange HORIZONTAL ring of blonde stretching through the red - not all the way around, but it wasn't right.)

[Joanne]

You look really beautiful. Where did you get that skirt? I'm intrigued!

[Jessamyn]

Thanks, Joanne! I edited the post to put a link to my skirt, above (and also, there's a picture of me in it with the non-polka-dot side showing at http://flickr.com/photos/jessamyn/675184025/). I meant to put the link in there the first time - it's a really great skirt!

[jana]

Ooh, a trip! Just you and Geoff, or is Katie getting to know NYC too?

[TB]

I don't believe you think too much. I think your feelings are totally normal. And I'm so glad you're finding some happiness.

[jenny]

I don't think you think too much...because I do the same thing. The feelings will come and go, and it sucks, but that's the way healing goes. There's no way to the other side but through it all. As always, thanks for sharing. I think of you often. And as others have said- awesome skirt!

[Pixie]

Glad you are healing, glad you have happiness again. & I love your self-portaits! I do a few every so often just to remind me what I look like.

[Chicago Chick]

I haven't read your site in a long time. I used to volunteer at the Jane Addams Center Photography program and then at the Chicago Photography Center. Not sure you remember me. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like you're healing and I am hoping that happiness finds its way to you again.

[Suzanne]

Hi Jessamyn! You've been tagged as a Rockin' Blogger girl by yours truly! Check it out at http://bizzyblogging.blogspot.com/2007/07/you-like-me-you-really-like-me.html

Suzanne