I have a very bad habit that I have picked up, basically since Katie was born. For pretty much the last nineteen months, I have been going to bed too late, with the full knowledge that I'm going to have to get up before I am ready to get up. I usually then end up taking a nap later in the day, oftentimes in the morning when Katie naps. This has gone on long enough that I think I have reprogrammed my body's sleep schedule, and I don't know how to fix it.
About a week ago, Jessie worked from home and let me sleep in until I woke up on my own. I slept around eight hours and woke up at about 8:30 in the morning - not incredibly late, but much later than the usually 7:00 rise and shine. I felt rested and energized for the day, and got a lot of stuff done with time left over for reading and TV. I was tired in the evening and went to bed with Jessie at 10:00 - two and a half hours earlier than my usual time. I didn't think sleep would be a problem - I felt sleepy and physically exhausted, and I had no trouble getting to sleep. I woke up at around 3:00 that morning, and didn't doze off again for well over an hour. When I got up the next day at the usual 7 AM, I wasn't refreshed or invigorated or ready to start the day. I felt like I usually do in the morning - fuzzy, groggy and resentful for 7 getting here so damned early.
My body seems to think that I only want it to sleep for 6 hours, give or take. I have done this to myself. I want to get myself to bed earlier, to not have to take naps five times a week just to get through the day. I want to have the energy to do all of the things that I want to do during the day. I want to be as productive as I can be, but I feel perpetually sleep deprived. I don't want to go to bed early and end up waking up in the middle of the night. Middle of the night thoughts are awfully lonely.
I am trying to break the cycle. Last night I got myself to bed at a little after 11:30 - a little later than I should be going to bed (11:00 is my target - that way I can get the proverbial eight hours), but not terribly so. Certainly better than 12:30. And this morning, I resisted the very, very strong temptation I had to take a morning nap. Oh lord, that was hard. It's definetely programming - I just started to get sleepy at about 10:00. So I made myself coffee and forced myself to sit down and write some music. Let's see if I can get to bed at a decent hour tonight.
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