A while back I was out with a group of guys, drinking, partying and having a good time. At some point in the evening, the conversation turned to a mutual female friend who had recently lost a significant amount of weight. "Just wait till you see her," one of my buddies said, "she's really, really cute now." He went on to add "turns out she had a medical condition that caused her to gain weight, and that's under control now. We thought she was just lazy - it was a medical condition!" Most of the guys laughed, and looked forward to seeing her. They drank more beer, fueling their own growing guts (none of them was a vision of fit athleticism). I was silently uncomfortable. I knew this girl before she lost weight. I never thought she was lazy. I just thought that she was what she was. I wondered - what do they think of me? My belly is the biggest here - am I also "just lazy"?
I guess part of the problem is that weight loss is an active endeavor. You can't just lose weight by doing nothing. Every fat person who wants to lose weight knows how to do it - you eat less! Exercise more! It should be easy, but it's not. Losing weight and maintaining the loss are one of the very most difficult things a person can try to do. What are the statistics? Four out of five dieters gains back more than the weight they lost? It's something like that. I'm one of those four.
I'm not lazy though.
The thought of silent judgment kills me, especially when my suspicion is that guys judge women much more harshly in that regard then they will other men, or themselves. A medical condition is an adequate explanation for excess weight - nothing else will do. But food tastes good. I like to eat because chocolate, steak, beer etc are all delicious, and one does not have to eat much too much of this to gain a lot of weight over time. Besides, gyms are expensive and my time is precious - I like to see my wife in the evenings.
I believe that people need to take responsibility for their own weight, but at the same time, society needs to change to be supportive of this medical problem. It appears to be happening slowly. The new food eating guidelines are a good start (much more healthful than before), fast food restaurants are constantly rolling out low calorie, low fat foods and grocery stores are stocking more whole grain, high fiber foods.
Still, weight loss is hard. Not because its intellectually daunting, not because the options for success aren't out there, not even because society isn't as understanding and helpful as it could be. No, weight loss is hard because it requires a whole-scale lifestyle change and that is daunting.
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