Last night Katie was grumpy and sad and sort of pitiful. Finally, after a lot of whining and negotiating and delaying, when she was in bed and I was rubbing her back, she calmed down and said to me, "Mommy, do you know why I'm sad? It's because the little baby is gone."
(Oh. Hear that? That's the sound of my breaking heart.)
So I told her that I was sad, too. And she said, "And daddy is sad, too." I agreed.
"And Molly dog is sad," she said. "And the kitties are sad. The dog goes," in a very sad voice, "woooof. And the kitties go," in a very quiet voice, "meow meow." (This part made me laugh a little.)
I said that maybe someday, the little baby would come back, and she said, "But I'm sad now." I said I was, too.
And Katie said, "When I was a little baby, I didn't go away."
And WOW. I just looked at her, and hugged her, and said, "Yes, thank God! Thank God you didn't go away."
I have two things. The first is a very brief Katie story.
Katie was sitting in the back seat of the car as we were waiting in the McDonald's drive through (I know, I know, but we had no time, and I wanted an Asian chicken salad) yesterday. Suddenly Katie said, "Stop, stop, stop..." We looked at her. "Stop, stop, stop..."
"Stop what, Katie?"
"Stop looking at me, man!" she said, and then sat back, looking smug.
We looked around for who she could possibly be talking to, and the only face I saw was the face of the Ronald McDonald plastic cutout on the window, grinning happily in our direction. "I think she's talking to Ronald McDonald," I told Geoff, laughing. "Stop looking at me, Ronald McDonald!" I said.
Katie looked at him again. "Stop looking at me...MANDONALD!" We may never call him Ronald again. Fight the mandonald!
The second thing is that I have found entries that I wrote during the few months after Katie was born, as well as a few others that I thought were gone forever. (I found them! I found them!) Through the wonders of gmail, I found them attached to an email I sent to myself awhile back in order to back up the entries. I guess it worked as a backup, since I have finally found them, and I've been re-posting some of them here this afternoon. See here: