this isn't what I want.

You guys. You all. Oh, my friends.

This is a spur of the moment post.

I can't do this, what I've been doing. Or I guess I just don't want to. I don't really want to write everything I write where nobody can read it unless they have a password. I have gone back through archives, and one of the things about this blog (or online journal, in its earlier incarnation) that's been a huge source of pride for me has been the way that strangers/new readers have found their way to a particular entry that has touched them, helped them, made them feel better or stronger or more understood.

I don't know how this is going to go. After 11 years of writing online, the only really consistent thing about my site has been that the frequency of my posting is sporadic, with repeated pledges to post more often followed by lots of posts and then weeks or even months of silence. So I don't know what I'm doing, but I do know that I want at least some of my writing to stay public.

I'm Jessamyn. I'm 41 years old, and I don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of my life when it comes to career or much of anything else, really. I do know that I'm going to do the best job I can raising my daughters (with their father, of course). I do know that I want to be open: to new experiences, to changes in future plans, to new thoughts and ideas, to new music, to other people. I want to be as kind as I can be without getting taken advantage of. I want to make time for family & friends. I want to set some goals and work toward them. I want to make enough money to save a little, travel a little, splurge a little. I want to take good care (better care) of my body. I want to read books regularly, take photos almost daily, write often, cook a new dish routinely.

I'll be back.

Comments

[Excitementontheside]

You know the lovely part about reading your posts over ten plus years... I am certain you'll be back. No matter how long you are gone. Take care of you. :)

[Jana]

Yay! I will read you publicly and privately as long as you are writing.

[Beryl Ament]

Jessamyn, for many years I have clicked on the link to your blog and have always been delighted when I found a new entry. It was like a surprise gift. So sporadic is fine—please keep it up.

[Mary]

I echo all the sentiments here. Hugs.

[Becky]

I have been following your blog for so long - private and public - and like with any old friend, no matter how long its been you just pick up the conversation.

btw - have you caught any of Oprah's life class? I'm in the same boat as you - not sure what I want to do... she's been talking a little bit about that. I think it's helped.

[Kizz]

Good to "hear" you!

[Carrie]

I agree with all of the previously written, beautifully expressed comments! What you've written, especially the last paragraph so resonates with me. Here's to savoring the everyday moments with our families, to creative endeavors and daily photos, to home-cooked delicious meals and love. Love of ourselves, our passions, and our loved ones.

[Katherine]

I love your writing. I'm glad you are back.

[Amy]

So glad to read this. Whenever you come back, it looks like there are a lot of readers who are excited to see you. :)

[Vanessa]

I've loved your writing for years and, if you hadn't been public, wouldn't have found you. And sporadic is fine with me! Like Beryl says, your entries are like gifts!

Hope all is well and you're enjoying some crisp fall weather with lots of leaves crunching underfoot!

[Stephanie]

Welcome back! (And those "wants" in your last paragraph? Count me in as wanting all those things, too.)

[Rebecca]

Hear hear! We were missing you!

[Sam]

Yay! Good to have you back and sounds like an excellent plan you have put together.