So I guess that's that.

I got a comment on my most recent entry that really upset me.  It was from an anonymous but longtime (which I believe, since she/he referred to a few facts/incidents that occurred over the past several years) reader.  I'm sure if you're out there, dear commenter, you'll assume that I'm upset because you were so right about me and the ways I'm failing myself and my family.  That's ok.  Add that assumption to all of your others!

I deleted the comment immediately, and the only reason I mention it is because it made me realize something: I don't want to share my life with people who don't like me and/or who I don't like.  When I first start keeping an online journal, the situation was different than it is now - writing (and reading) online was a way to reach out, to connect with other people who I'd never have met otherwise.  I am so grateful to have connected with those people, many of whom have become real friends.  But the blog universe is so vast now that while it can still be a good place to keep in touch with people I already know, it's no longer a place that's leading me to connect with new people. 

I know my weaknesses, and among them is an intense need ("need") to be liked and accepted.  I don't take criticism well, which is not to say that I don't think I do anything that's worthy of criticism (because oh, boy, I do), but by which I mean that even criticism from an anonymous stranger who thinks I'm not living my life the way I should really bothers me, even though I know that it shouldn't.  I could try to toughen up and learn to let that stuff roll off my back, and hopefully someday, I will indeed be better at doing that.  But for now, I think there's an easier answer: no more public personal blogging. 

I do plan to keep blogging, most likely in two places: 1) in a blog related to and affiliated with my photography website, and 2) in a private blog.  If you're a friend and/or longtime reader who'd like to keep reading what I write privately, please comment on this entry (and include your email address!) or email me at jessamyn dot north at gmail dot com.  I don't mind if you've never commented or emailed me before - you're still welcome.  I simply want people who would like to keep reading what I write about my life and my thoughts, not because it allows them to sit back and feel superior, but because something about me or my writing appeals to you.  Or something like that. 

See you on the other side, maybe.  Thanks.

Comments

[Sundry]

I'm really sorry for the way you must have felt, and I can absolutely understand this decision. I'd love to keep reading, wherever you go.

[Jackie Danicki]

What a miserable person that commenter must be. I hope she gets well.

Will stick with you wherever you go, Jessie!

[jana]

I would really like to keep in touch and keep reading your blog, whatever that may end up being. I think you write insightfully and candidly about so many things!

[Denise]

I'd love to keep reading! I've been a reader of your blog for a very long time - since before you had your first daughter, I think! I've commented a couple times, but don't very often.

[Micki]

That really stinks! I'd like to keep reading because I'm enjoying your journey, especially the part about a new career. I'm always contemplating that but still do my same old job.

Thanks!

[Kate]

I have been reading for a long time, since before you got married, at least. I would love to continue. And I'm sorry about the drive-by hate.

[Natalie L.]

Drive-by attacks are the worst. I'm so sorry that someone felt the need to do that. I'd like to be able to continue to read you, wherever you end up.

[Kelly]

I hope to have the opportunity to keep reading. I first found your blog before you got married. Before my first marriage... And now all these years later, I hope I can continue to see you and your kiddos grow up. :)

[Jayme Marquardt]

So sorry to read this but I completely understand!! I would love to keep up with you...wherever you end up.

[Kinsey]

Although I never comment, I've been reading a long time and I've thought that you have handled a number of terrible things with a lot of grace. I understand why you don't want to blog publicly any more, but I would love to be able to follow you to the new place.

[Tiffany]

I'm sorry they got you down, Jessamyn! I would love to stay in touch with you. Take good care!

[Laura]

Jessie, I'd like to keep reading.
Take care.

Laura

[amanda]

Ugh horrible. I would love to keep reading. I was sparklefairy.diary-x ... I think. I don't remember if there was a dash or underscore in there. Anyway, I started reading your diary-x in 2002 or 2003 and have been reading ever since! I find your perspective interesting, have enjoyed following what you've shared, and like your internet persona (see what I did there?) very much. I blog at monquito.com now, and I know exactly what you mean about it not feeling OK anymore. I re-think almost everything I think about posting because of this. (Hence a recent poll.) Maybe a more private space would allow you to write more, which might even make you feel better.

[Michelle]

Oh, me! ME! I wanna go with you to The Other Side (OOooooooo!).

[KarenD]

You know I'd like to keep reading. Anon commenters are cowards & I'm sorry one dumped on you.

[Chlott]

I'd love to be able to keep reading your writing. I really like your way with words.

[April N]

Please keep writing, even if it's behind a password!

[Erin Miller]

I have been reading for years and years. I'm always happy to see an update. I would enjoy continuing to read your blog and seeing your beautiful photos.
:o)

[Violet]

Long time reader. :) I'd definitely like to follow you to .. well, wherever it is that you go. My email address may appear to be fake, but it's real!

[Carrie]

That's horrible, but I get it. There are things that I simply don't share on my own blog anymore - not because I couldn't use support, feedback, etc., but because I have no wish to deal with everything else that would inevitably come. The world went and changed on us, I think.

I'd love to follow you and keep reading. :-) No worries about any judgment from this quarter.

[Christine]

I want to go with you! I'd miss you if I didn't get to read about your life. I'm a 3WA and Simplest person, btw.

[Carrie in VA]

I hate to read that someone has chosen to be mean to you in order to make themselves feel superior. I would love to be able to keep reading more of your story, since I feel invested especially in your photography dream and want to be able to see you triumph when it happens.

[Carrie Spritzer]

I feel sad that you have had this experience! It's one of my biggest fears as a blogger and feel it's probably only a matter of time until I have a similar situation (though I hope it's never!). One thing I so like about you is how honest you are with us, your readers. You are so good at sharing yourself, really sharing yourself, and for that I look forward and so value your writing. Please keep me in the loop!

[Joanne]

I was going to say I can't imagine why people would comment like that, but of course, I can imagine. I know it's because people can be small and so strange and it makes them feel better to make you feel bad. On Anthony's blog, I had to change it to where I approved comments, once someone made a mean comment about him. When he was three. And had autism. I mean, come on! People can certainly be cruel and there's no need for you to have anyone treat you badly. I'd like to keep reading. Hang in there.

[Kate]

I would love to keep reading. Over the years there have been countless occasions where I thought, "Me, too." You always have been able to say exactly what I have been feeling so eloquently. Please keep sharing.