Ok, I'll be honest. I'm no longer really sure whether taking this blog private is what I really want to do. I think that the judgmental comment from the other day carried a lot more weight, and hurt my feelings a lot more, because it was one of very few recent comments, so I thought (foolishly, I think now) that that person represented a whole lot of people, and maybe even the vast majority of people reading. However, you very kind people (who like me! you really like me!) who have commented on the last entry are making it seem as if that person was more of an anomaly than a typical reader. For that I am extremely grateful - and because of that, I've also been questioning my decision.
I do think I am still going to blog privately, at least for now. If I am going to have even a very small photography business, I don't want to be publishing my very vulnerable types of entries alongside the website for that business (and even if it's not literally alongside it, anybody googling "Jessamyn North" or even just "Jessamyn" wouldn't have to look too long before coming up with both this site and the photography site. I don't want to make potential photography clients feel like they have to console me about anything bad happening in my life that I've written about online - or feel awkward because they know things about me that they don't feel comfortable bringing up. Or, let's face it, it's also possible I'd be the one feeling awkward if a client brought up something personal about me, that they'd gleaned from the blog, right in the middle of a photo session. So I think going private is the right thing to do, at least for now.
I wanted to say a couple more things here, though. First of all, THANK YOU to all of you who have commented or emailed. You have helped me at a time when I feel like I can use all the help I can get. Thank you so much. I have added all of your names to a list, and I expect to be sending out a link and a password to you sometime this week. (Except! Erin M. and (bowlegged) Kelly - you didn't leave an email address in your comment! Please email me or comment again and include your email, so I can email you with the info!)
Secondly, if you haven't already commented or emailed but would be interested in continuing to read, please don't feel like you have to prove your worthiness as a reader to me - or in fact, to prove anything at all - in order to be included. If you are willing to comment or email to say you'd like to keep reading, then I'm going to assume that you are not someone who's going to take advantage of that by coming in and then leaving nasty comments. I'm really not very suspicious by nature, and I really don't want to be. Everybody gets the benefit of the doubt until they show otherwise, ok?
Finally, so many of you mentioned that you'd been reading since before or just after my daughter Katie was born. Today is her 7th birthday. Can you believe it? She's practically a grown up! She reads very well these days, and is pretty good with the computer. I got her a gmail account long ago that so far she doesn't really use, but this morning I thought of something cool. If you have the time and the inclination, maybe you'd be willing to send a quick email to her to wish her a happy birthday?! I know she'd love it. I can't promise she'll respond to them all, especially if a lot of you actually send emails, but I'll at least get her to type up a thank you that I'll post here. Her email address is kathleen dot north at gmail dot com. Thank you in advance!
The top photo of Katie was taken about three weeks ago, and is probably my favorite recent photo of her; definitely one of my all-time favorites of her ever. The three photos below were all taken yesterday, on her last day of being six years old.
Also, if you're interested, for years now I've been putting together a Flickr set of photos of Katie - one photo for every month of her life. I updated it the other day to go through February 2011, so there are 84 photos for her 84 months. The set - which you can watch as a slideshow if you'd like (or not) - is here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jessamyn/sets/72157594205839099/. Looking through the photos, I feel 1) amazed that it's gone by so fast; 2) impressed and proud of who she is; and 3) impressed and proud of myself, for taking the photos.
I've been following you off and on since Rob R-H linked to you way back in the olden days of the web. You and Geoff weren't even engaged then, and your entry recalling your trip to meet him gave me the courage to go meet my own internet boy in person :) (To whom I've been married for over seven years!)
I love reading about your life and your family. Your honesty and willingness to share even the bad parts of your life are what keeps me coming back.
Posted by: Kelly | March 07, 2011 at 12:25 PM
7 years old?! That is so not possible! How did those years go by so fast?!?!
And email sent... Happy birthday, Katie!
Posted by: Carrie Spritzer | March 07, 2011 at 12:49 PM
I would love to be able to keep reading. Your writing is beautiful.
Posted by: Suzy | March 07, 2011 at 01:22 PM
I would love to continue reading, and am glad to hear that you're feeling better today. Also, Happy Birthday to Katie!
Posted by: Lorraine | March 07, 2011 at 02:20 PM
I'd love to continue reading as well. It's so hard to believe that Katie is 7! I'm another one of those who has been reading forever - funny how it doesn't seem like that much time could POSSIBLY have gone by.
Posted by: EtherealAndrea | March 07, 2011 at 03:47 PM
Oh, I'd love to continue reading--I remember when you were pregnant with big-girl Katie!
What Kelly said above: "Your honesty and willingness to share even the bad parts of your life are what keeps me coming back." YES!
Posted by: Sheryl | March 07, 2011 at 04:05 PM
I have always enjoyed your writing and would like to continue to read your blog. Katie is beautiful!
Posted by: Jana | March 07, 2011 at 10:32 PM
Jessamyn,
Please add me to the list. I'm a long-time lurker who loves your writing.
Posted by: joyce | March 08, 2011 at 06:25 AM
Jessamyn,
As a long time reader, I always enjoy your writing and am often touched by and can very much relate to your honesty of emotions. We finally were blessed with a baby girl (after 13 years of trying) soon after you had Katie. I am now a stay at home mom with a doctorate in history. I love this life but, like you, sometime question the how and what of my life. Thanks for bravely expressing yourself. A Blessed Birthday to Miss Katie!
Posted by: Mary | March 08, 2011 at 10:12 AM
Hi Jessamyn, I also second that you are an amazing writer. I also lurk and would love to read what you have to say somewhere else if you go. I admire your honesty when you write very much. It's an inspiration 8-)
Posted by: aaoxinio | March 08, 2011 at 11:40 AM
Hi, aaoxinio! Thanks! If you'd like to be included, I'll need your email address. (If you'd rather not leave it here (although if you do leave it here, it will only be seen by me), you can email me directly.
Thank you to everyone else, too - I've added all of you to my list of readers. :)
Posted by: Jessamyn | March 08, 2011 at 11:58 AM
Hi there! I, of course, definitely want to be added to your list. I've been reading you for years.
Posted by: Tara (formerly Anelie) | March 08, 2011 at 02:39 PM
I'd love to be added to your list. Have been reading a long time.
Posted by: Cathy | March 08, 2011 at 04:10 PM
I found you and Rob through Erin and have been reading since before you all had children. You take beautiful photo's and I love your writing. Please include me ! Thanks for starting to write again, I was wondering what happened to you.
Posted by: Annie | March 08, 2011 at 04:38 PM
Include me too! My daughter just turned 7 as well, and I found your blog some sleepless late night right after she was born when I was a stay at home mom myself for a short stint and discovering blogs!
I can't believe its been 7 years!
Posted by: BeckyA | March 08, 2011 at 07:02 PM
Long-time reader here. Add me to the list!
Posted by: Beth | March 08, 2011 at 08:51 PM
Hi Jessie, I'd love to keep reading - please add me to the list!
Posted by: Jess | March 09, 2011 at 08:21 AM
Hi, I'd love to keep reading as well. Thanks!
Posted by: Amy Casey | March 09, 2011 at 12:08 PM
I, too, have read you for years, ever since I found you on Diary-X (or Diaryland? I forget!) I made some origami cranes for your wedding because I was so taken with your honest writing. I would love to remain on the list. I hope I'm not too late!
Posted by: Mary Wise (Bozoette) | March 10, 2011 at 03:23 PM
Definitely not too late, Mary! I remember you from all those years ago, and appreciate both you reading and the cranes. :)
As far as I'm concerned, there's not really any such thing as "too late." I'm not going to pull down this site - or at least I have no plans to - so anybody can comment here, and I'll add them to the list at that time.
Thank you so much, all of you. I really appreciate you and your comments.
Posted by: Jessamyn | March 10, 2011 at 03:35 PM
Hi - I'd like to be added to the list as well. I've been reading you since before you had Katie but never commented before (I guess I'm a lurker at heart). I love your writing and the honesty with which you present your life. I would be honored to continue reading.
Posted by: Rob | March 10, 2011 at 08:19 PM
Please add me to the list!
Posted by: Suzanne | March 10, 2011 at 08:57 PM
Hi Jessamyn. I would really like to keep reading you as well.
Thanks,
Dabney
Posted by: Dabney Ring | March 10, 2011 at 10:44 PM
Hi Jessamyn, I'd love to keep reading. I've also been reading since before Katie was born. (On a side note, I'm in a similar professional (lawyer-not lawyer) and career-crossroads situation.)
p.s. whoever left you a judge-y comment is a big stupidhead who needs a smack. I volunteer.
Cat
Posted by: cat | March 11, 2011 at 11:36 AM
Please include me; another lurker. I have been reading since before Katie was born.
Posted by: Julie D. | March 11, 2011 at 03:09 PM