The Thursday before last, somebody in our family got really depressed and made a suicide attempt. This past week, we found out that our friend from church, who has had breast cancer twice (the second time just last fall), has cancer again.
And this past Thursday we found out that the baby-to-be that had been growing inside me had died, a week or two before. On Friday evening I had a miscarriage.
I called and emailed people with the news, I dyed my hair red, I drank some fruity alcoholic beverages. I rested, I cried, I didn't go to work on Friday. We bought me a lovely opal bracelet and some earrings to go with it, and my friend Laurie sent me flowers. We went to a movie and rented a couple of movies. We had a very good friend keep Katie overnight. We told Katie that the little baby was gone; she keeps asking if the little baby is back, and tells me that she is sorry that I'm sad - she's sorry that the little baby is gone.
Today was the first day my eyes looked like my own eyes again, not swollen out of shape. I was glad to start to look like myself again, although it is what you think it is: I am still sad, and it is still hard, and I guess it will be for awhile yet. I'm a little scared and worried. But I am also ok.
I've been collecting virtual and long distance hugs and love and good thoughts. Any and all continued virtual hugs are extremely welcome and appreciated.