Church (October 9th)

Church (October 9th)
Originally uploaded by jessamynnorth.

Tonight before choir, L. told us about a family she knew. The husband had had headaches for years but hadn't gone to see the doctor; when he finally did, he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The tumor was removed, but either the tumor itself or its removal has left the man with no short term memory, and with no older memories past the time he met his wife. L. describes him as a shell of himself, and isn't quite sure how W., the wife, manages to cope as well as she seems to be doing. They have three children - the youngest of them is 4 now, and probably will never have any memory of her father other than the way he exists now.

L. herself is currently undergoing chemotherapy for her second bout with breast cancer. The first time was 4 years ago; she had surgery and went through chemotherapy, and her biggest regret seems to be how difficult it was for her two kids when she went through chemotherapy. This time she had a double mastectomy, and she hasn't told her kids that she is having chemotherapy again; she just tells them that she is taking her medicine. Her hair has not fallen out this time. She is one of the kindest, most supportive, most loyal people I know.

And there we sat in church. It is hard to even pretend to understand God - that is, on the days when  I believe in God at all.  Still, I almost always pray at least once a week.

During the "prayers" part of the Sunday service, when the pastor says that we are praying for various people listed as well as "for those we name in our hearts," I used to pray only for Katie. I was pregnant then, and I felt like she needed it the most. I prayed for her to be healthy, to live, to be okay. Later, when she was older and thriving, I added specific people who were having a particular hard time that week or that month. Later, I would think of "everyone I love," which I soon amended to "everyone I love, and everyone who loves me."

Lately, my prayer is for "Everyone I love, everyone who loves me, and everyone who needs help."  It seems clear that I'm headed for a simple prayer "for everyone."    Maybe that's the prayer I should have started with, anyway.

Comments

[Laurie]

Jack asked me one day why God made us, put us here. I told him it was to make the world a better place by doing good, kind things for other people.
You are extraordinary in this capasity, Jess. You make the world a better place with your words, your thoughts, prayers, the way you and Geoff are raising Katie and by being such a wonderful friend to not just me and Jack but to many.
You have an amazing heart - thank you for sharing it.

[Meg]

Wow, Jessamyn. This is so touching, and made me cry. I really identify with your third paragraph, except that I don't go to church. It's hard to wrap my mind against what kind of deity I believe in (if any?), especially in the face of sadness. Yet, I pray, too.

I feel very sad for the wife in your story - I learned about the condition her husband has, anterograde amnesia, in my psych classes and always thought that would be such a painful experience to deal with for all involved. I think I will start praying "for everyone," as well.

Thanks for sharing this.

[TB]

I'm agnostic and although I do believe in a higher power or a force that guides us it always feels strange for me to pray.
But sometimes I feel like we all (the human race) need some extra help. When I feel that way, I send my energy out into the universe and ask that it find those who need peace and strength. It's a mantra, I guess and also a prayer.

[april]

This has been a rough year for us and I have been questioning my faith a lot lately. Feeling like my specific prayers arent being answered. Maybe I should switch to praying for "everyone" too.

[Amy]

I just wanted to tell you how much I love this entry and this photo.